The moment of truth has arrived. Time for one of those investigative reports that restore hope in journalism. No more debating about the best From Software game. Nothing to reveal George RR Martin’s true contribution to Elden Ring. We go to the essential, to the transcendental: which Souls character smells the worst?
fan of the genre, @king_bore_haha, renowned modder and dataminer, calculated which of all the protagonists would benefit from taking a shower. Because, in case you didn’t know, in Dark Souls, Blooborne, Sekiro, and Elden Ring, enemies aren’t just programmed to detect us with sight and hearing. Artificial intelligence also has a parameter called “distance from the nose” which allows it to locate us through smell.
What if I told you that you could calculate which soulsborne protagonist was the smelliest?
This is not a joke. Each enemy AI sets “nose distance” to detect targets within a guaranteed radius (vs eye dist, ear dist). If I calculate the average per match, we will know who feels the worst. pic.twitter.com/NOzzDwctAH
– king bore haha / geeeeeorge (@king_bore_haha) November 4, 2021
Obviously, if we were to use soap, that item that no one uses and that always goes to the bottom of our inventory, it would be of no use to enemies, but since it’s not… @king_bore_haha calculated the value average and here are the results.
Which From Software character is the sluttiest?
- Dark Souls 3: 43.8
- Dark Souls 1: 39.9
- Sekiro: 36.2
- Demonic Souls: 36.1
- Bloodborne 28.3
- Ring Elden 26.8
The higher the number, the worse. Simply put, the higher the number, the greater the chance of downing a wyvern simply by raising the armpit. And in case you were wondering, Dark Souls 2 isn’t on the list because it’s the only game in the series that doesn’t use the “nose distance” value. He’s always been the most “special” and been an underdog, so we’re not surprised either.
Who knows. Is this the real explanation of the success of Elden Ring? That its protagonist is the cleanest? Recall that it has sold 13.4 million games, figures that make it the best-selling From Software component to date. Figures that pale those of Bloodborne (3 million), Sekiro (7 million) and even those of Dark Souls 3, which held the crown until this year with 12 million copies sold.
Here we leave you the information you needed to know. You know what they say: you’ll never go to bed without knowing one more thing.
It’s once again: let’s calculate who is the protagonist of FromSoft that smells the worst.
Higher numbers = smellier:
Dark Souls 3: 43.8
Dark Souls 1: 39.9
Demonic Souls: 36.1
Ring Elden: 26.8
wow! I guess Tarni makes good use of this soap. pic.twitter.com/0uE6P5fkOj
– king bore haha / geeeeeorge (@king_bore_haha) May 23, 2022